I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My hand turned me down
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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