I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
