forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
