I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
