I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
