so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
