I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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