Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
