i jhust puked up my retainher.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
