matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
