Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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