We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
