PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
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