yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
