She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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