can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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