areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think people are normalizing furries
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
