you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
as a side note pls kill me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
