i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
