I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
