I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
