Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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