Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
