i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i already hear my dad disowning me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
