he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
