I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
