Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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