Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
