You just made me feel so damn special
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
