i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
