I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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