i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
