I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
