I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
