put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
