Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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