i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
