If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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