I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
