Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
