I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
