is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
