i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think I have vodka in my lungs
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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