Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
