At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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