this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
