So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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