He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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