I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
