I can't watch pbs sober anymore
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
