I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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