I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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