I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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